Lonely Women in Ministry (Sept 16, 2009)

Insect Manifestations: Flies (Aug 28, 2009) 

The 21 Laws of Relationship, Pt 3 (Aug 18, 2009) 

The 21 Laws of Relationship, Pt 2 (July 24, 2009) 

The 21 Laws of Relationship, Pt 1 (July 15, 2009) 

Defense Mechanisms: Why & How We Block Intimacy (July 1, 2009) 

Generational Mandates (June 20, 2009)  

Signs, Wonders, & Miracles (June 13, 2009)   

Atmospheres (May 14, 2009) 

APOSTLES: True, False, & Immature (Apr 31, 2009)   

Deliver Us From Parenting! (Apr 24, 2009) 

Spirit-filled Business & Entrepreneurship, Pt 2 (Mar 31, 2009) 

Spirit-filled Business & Entrepreneurship, Pt 1 (Mar 13, 2009)  

Blood Diamonds (Feb 25, 2009)  

The Science of War (Feb 16, 2009) 

God's Flowers (Feb 8, 2009) 

The Tribe of Dan (Jan 30, 2009) 

The Claws of Legalism (Dec 30, 2008) 

Understanding Women, Pt 2 (Nov 24, 2008) 

Understanding Women, Pt 1 (Nov 18, 2008) 

Babylonian Undercurrents & Initiatives (Oct 23, 2008)

Why Christians Can't Get Free (Sept 28, 2008) 

Great Leaders... (Sept 22, 2008) 

The Christian's Imagination (Sept 16, 2008) 

An Exquisite Creature & A Subculture of Loneliness 

        The female gender is an exquisite creation. Women are enriched with captivating beauty, emotional versatility, radar-like intuition, and managerial talent. While us guys are grunting, hitting, colliding, shooting, and doing just about everything uncouth under the sun (and somehow getting paid for it), the gals perfect every circumstance with divine delicacy and genius. The soothing balm of a mother's words, the heartwarming smile of a playful little girl, the romantic strokes of a maiden dripping with honey, the time-tested discernment of a wise grandmother...could we imagine life without feminine polish?    
        Yet we find ourselves in a less than perfect Eden, where forbidden fruits, sinful choices, gender confusion, and devilish snakes have produced a subculture of lonely women. This subculture has encouraged extreme feminism, whereby men are less than relevant and destitution is traded for domination. It has empowered pornography, whereby women are converting their loneliness into raw cash and power. It has driven millions of women into demanding marketplace careers, where loneliness is exchanged for the rewards of vocational success.  
        Finally, this subculture is surfacing in Christian ministry. While the women of Babylon often look to the aforementioned as their flotation device, the women of Zion are looking more and more to ministry, a noble pursuit, in and of itself. However, if medicating loneliness is ministry's major motive, problems and tragedies are imminent.

Two Kinds of Loneliness

        Loneliness happens in two main circles, the social (outer circle) and the relational (inner circle). Social loneliness is the feeling or fact of being unconnected to a social niche. A social niche is a mini-community in which mutual interests and activities are shared, like sports, extra-curricular activities at school, volunteer work, book clubs, movie watchers, dancing classes, exercise groups, health clubs, local church fellowships, or simply a handful of individuals with great social chemistry. A niche acts as an ecosystem, whereby essential lifegiving interactions and interconnectedness sustain all involved. Niches define our social life and enjoyment, our "outer circle".  
        Relational loneliness is the feeling or fact of being nonintimate with key individuals. In general, this means three persons: familial (family), fraternal (a close friend), and romantic (a romantic partner). These three types of intimate relationships comprise our "inner circle", those with whom we share souls and daily life. In these we lose a part of ourselves, only to gain a part of another.    
        Humans gravitate to drastic behaviors if one or both of these lonelinesses persist. The horrors at Columbine, Virginia Tech, and LA Fitness were all rooted here. You and I personally might not resort to murder, but in all honesty, how many of our reckless, extreme behaviors came from being lonely? It is not enough to be social but not relational (the social butterfly with no intimate relationships), or relational but not social (the social caterpillar with one to three very deep relationships). There must be an outer circle and inner circle, social animation and relational intimacy. Without both, loneliness will linger and drive us in some way.  
        Providential loneliness There is a season of loneliness that is providential (God-orchestrated). Elijah had one at Cherith (1Ki 17:1-6), as did Jeremiah (Jer 15:17), Jesus (Lk 4:1), and Paul (Gal 1:16,17). In fact, anyone who goes the distance with the Lord will also have lonely seasons. In these times the Holy Spirit is weaning us from our codependence on people, an emotional detox, freeing us from excessive trust in man, attaching our soul at the deepest levels to the Father alone.  
        Providential loneliness is only for a time though. Elijah was not at Cherith long, Jesus was in the desert forty days, Paul was in the Arabian desert less than three years (he went to Damascus the remaining time). It is not God's will for a Christian to be lonely for many years still going. This is not the testimony of Scripture. Rather, it is an indication that personal and interpersonal problems exist. We need to be clear about this. Providential loneliness is brutal yet brief, harvesting better and more wholesome relationships in the next season. Perpetual social and relational loneliness betray character sins needing illumination, sanctification, and transformation. Let us resist using God's name and work to keep our defense mechanisms intact. For many Christian women, that primary mechanism is ministry.

Ministry, A Powerful Narcotic

         Loneliness amidst public service is an oxymoron that aches to the bone. Yet, those of us in leadership know far too well that ministry is a most potent narcotic, capable, for a brief moment, to stop the emotional bleeding caused by loneliness. Tasting the powers of the coming age, joy unspeakable and full of glory, spiritual authority and power, social influence, public admiration...on and on goes the list of ministerial opiates. 
        Flavoring the bait even more, we are in a time when droves of men are unsubscribing to their leadership call. Like Jonah, they are fugitives of Heaven. What results are chasmic vacancies in churches and ministries for any semi-talented person to seize. Though it is 100% legitimate, necessary, and biblical for women to be in public ministry, such leadership vacuums are enticing many deeply wounded women to exploit the moment. Many of them are highly unprepared and barely surviving their lonely crises.   
        A good number of these sisters are genuinely designed and destined for ministerial leadership; that is undeniable. Deborahs, Esthers, Priscillas, and Phoebes are everywhere. However, their unpreparedness and dismal emotional state put them and their followers in serious danger. As we cheer these alpha girls on in their ministerial exploits, we are indirectly contributing to their eventual implosion or explosion. How? By failing to address the overwhelming loneliness that drives them and their ministry.  
        We have all witnessed high-profile Christian women failing and falling in recent decades. The relational failures, ethical indiscretions, financial extremes, doctrinal strangeness, and questionable choices have left us saddened and disappointed. We are all capable of such stumbles and falls, are we not? Yes, you and I both. That is why we need to slow down, back up, and analyze the present scene, and, form wise initiatives to protect, prepare, and preserve every daughter of Zion.

Loneliness-driven Ministry

         I spoke at her church for a few days. Soon after I left her email came. She was a Bible teacher for some twenty years, at her home church and abroad. Marriage had been a revolving door for her, each one accompanied by extramarital affairs. She poured out her grief in the email, of her unbearable loneliness and lack of inspiration for ministry. She was on the verge, at risk, borderline. Just enough pressure and temptation would tip her into sinful choices again and recycle her darkness even deeper. She is simply one of an entire subculture of lonely women in ministry. Their stories are all so similar, and so are the signs.
        Angry undercurrents One of the most common side-effects of loneliness-driven ministry is anger. If we listen carefully and long enough, we can hear angry undercurrents in her teaching, preaching, and approach. At times she might spiritualize it as "righteous indignation" or "holy boldness", but time and God almost always reveal a deeper frustration with loneliness and failed relationships. There is such a thing as righteous anger (Eze 3:14, Jer 15:17, Jn 2:14-17). However, there is a misunderstanding when this alleged anger is excessively recurrent and hesitates to subside and give way to the more tender fruits of the Spirit. Ongoing seething, irritability, hostility, aggression, bitterness, and cynicism is a sign of a problem, not a sign of being spiritual or prophetic, even if it is dressed in such rhetoric. A pig in a tuxedo is still a pig.
        Hypersensitivity The lonely have an emotional sunburn, making them overly sensitive, touchy, petty, and hasty judges in their interactions with others. Because of the empty void for close companionship, coupled with memorable experiences with rejection, the lonely overreact to the slightest hints that history might be repeating itself--even if the words or actions of others are innocent. In this way they themselves often sabotage the very connections they crave.
        Authoritarianism and control Authoritarian themes often run through loneliness-driven ministry. Pet scriptures pertaining to authority are obsessively quoted, preached, prayed, pushed, nagged, and guilted on followers. And why? Harping on authoritarianism scares and forces people into staying close, compliant, and controlled--remedying loneliness for a time. Every, and I do mean every, authoritarian leader I have ever known was lonely. Certainly more issues existed, but loneliness was in the top three every time. Alpha girls need to question if they are misusing authority to compensate for non-intimacy.     
        Difficulty in dealing with men, especially certain types Difficulty in relating with men is a sign many assume and notice themselves. More specifically, this difficulty often surfaces when dealing with men who resemble previous rejectors, abusers, attachments, or, strong men in ministry who might challenge her personal fortifications. Cross-gender interaction is often a telling one.    
        Social indiscretions The pairing usually goes like this: lonely woman, sexually dissatisfied and overworked man, and you know the rest. The equation does not always equal a full-blown affair or sexual involvement, but the preliminary indiscretions are there. And though it does take two to tango, this writing is about lonely women in ministry, so I will focus there for now.
        A perpetually lonely sister in ministry will convey indiscreet behavior in talk, glance, dress, body language, innuendo, or behavior (one, some, or all of these). Though any one of us can stumble temporarily into such folly, these subtle or obvious cues persist season after season in the lonely female leader. The longer the loneliness lingers unaddressed and unresolved, the more likely the social indiscretions will turn into sexual ones. We'd be terrified at how much this happens. No one would have guessed what the Bible teacher/speaker who emailed me was doing in private.
        Attracting other lonely women Leaders reproduce after their kind. In other words, we reproduce and attract what we are, not what we say. Our social environment reads our subconscious cues and clues, and whatever we convey determines who comes to us. All this happens at an instinctual, subconscious level. That is why we continually draw the same types of people and spirits into our life, until we look inside by the Holy Spirit and sanctify our deepest self (1Th 5:23, Jas 4:8). Then we will convey new cues and clues to our environment and draw new elements into our world.
        Lonely sisters in ministry reproduce after their kind. Their ministries and churches are often filled with other lonely women, much more so than the typical church demographic. In my experience, such fellowships are riddled with drama and pettiness. On the other hand, whole and fulfilled women reproduce after their kind, and they successfully challenge the lonely around them to ascend and transform. Not only this, they draw wholesome men into their world, and successfully partner with them in life and ministry.        
        Performing in ministry Loneliness-driven ministry often depreciates into a performance. For loneliness to be medicated, the people cannot become displeased with the leader. This would defeat the whole purpose of "loneliness-driven ministry". What usually remains is a mixture of gifting and performing to keep people close by. Whether it's showmanship, stylism, hype, watering down, appeasement, or excessive technology, true ministry becomes compromised by the deeper emotional goal.
        Financial extremes Finally, the ministering lonely pull to financial extremes--excessive saving or excessive spending. Maybe you've heard the saying, All men want is sex, and all women want is money. Of course this is not true all the time, but it is true enough to spotlight gender inclinations. Many females logic something like this, Men will fail me, people will fail me, but money is something I can count on. I can't control people, but I can control money. When people fail, money is seen as a friend that sticks closer than a brother. The result is financial extremes, excessive saving or excessive spending. In a ministry context, this means greater and greater Christianized luxuries and technologies, or, a paralyzing fear of taking necessary financial risks for ministry development. Either way, the most important financial priority--Christ's kingdom and people's needs--are marginalized or bypassed altogether. Such extremes usually balance out when the loneliness driving it is sufficiently resolved.

Overseers, Observe and Care

        Detecting loneliness-driven ministry is the jurisdiction of ministerial leaders, overseers, pastors, or anyone superintending other leaders. When our spiritual daughters, sisters, mothers, and colaborers show the signs, we need to care enough and be strong enough to mercifully address it. Even more so, we need to be observant enough to recognize it in the first place. We cannot ensure that every lonely alpha girl will chew and digest the wisdom of such intervention, but we can be blameless ourselves by being caring superintendents. Proverbs 27:23: Be sure you know the condition of your flocks, give careful attention to your herds.  
        I tremble for the ministerial leaders that are more preoccupied with money, popularity, and keeping their machine running than the personal development of those in their sphere. May we be sobered by this truth: superintendents who could have, but did not, intervene in the lonely female leaders around them, when those sisters stumble or fall, the superintendents will also be responsible and have a reckoning with God. There is a serious word from the Spirit to us in Proverbs 24:11,12: Rescue those being led away to death; hold back those staggering toward slaughter. If you say, "But we knew nothing about this," does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay each person according to what he has done?

Time For A Time-Out

        To the beloved daughters of Zion, sisters in Christ, and colaborers in the Lord's vineyard...if you are steeped in loneliness-driven ministry, it might be time for a time-out. Take a season off. Solve and dissolve your loneliness by going back to the basics: developing a great social life and intimate relationships with a few. I've done it before, many others have done it, and it spared us a very embarrassing day of reckoning down the road.                      

        Many ministering females are praying night after night for a best friend, or a husband, or a more enjoyable social life...could it be that God would answer those prayers immediately if they pressed pause on ministry and play on social life and relationships? Could it be that a season of biblical counseling and interpersonal development would be the bridge into the desires of your heart? It might be time for a ministry time-out. I urge Proverbs 22:3 upon you: A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it.

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges."

Preface: A Balanced Demonology 

   On one hand, we Christians can become obsessed with demons. We can lose our direction in prayer, diminishing it to the endless naming and taming of spirits. We can, unknowingly, magnify the enemy by attributing every ruffle in our feathers to the spirit of this or the spirit of that. Every runny nose must be the spirit of sniffles, every dollar short must be the spirit of poverty, and every extra pound must be the spirit of unwanted weight gain. What remains is a reactive God always needing to "fix" what the enemy is doing, has done, or will do. The devil carries a very big pitch fork overshadowed only by even bigger horns, while people carry a tiny or nonexistent sense of responsibility for choices made. This is a Satan-centered worldview.
   On the other hand, we can be blindsided by demons if we underappreciate their reality and activity. In an age of empiricism and scientific method, demonology is the entertainment of myths and movies. It has been hushed and shushed in deference to the humanistic clamor of the behavioral sciences, namely psychology, psychiatry, sociology, self-help, and a multi-billion dollar medication industry. Though a small percentage of these fields have some practical benefit, they become self-defeating if and when they nullify or minimize demonic influences in human behavior. This is a science-centered worldview. 
   Extremes come so easy don't they? When we interpret life from extremities everything becomes simpler and predictable; we don't have to think or pray much, only react on autopilot. If the demonic is always or never, we avoid having to navigate the challenging gray of sometimes or possibly. Ecclesiastes 7:18(NIV): It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.
   As with most subjects, the truth is in the middle realm. Every negativity is not always a demon, and every negativity is not never a demon. Life on this fallen, sin-cursed planet is more mosaic than a long list of spirits, or, a long list of scientific postulates. Multiple realms and realities interact to produce human behavior. This is what made King Solomon so wise. He understood the diverse contributors to the human condition--spiritual, emotional, intellectual, physical, relational, social, vocational, financial, satanical.

This Writing

   I felt it was necessary to present a balanced understanding of demons before going forward with this writing. I would never want to encourage anyone to overfocus on the demonic, even unintentionally. We are to be 100% God-centered in every aspect of our spirituality, including demonology. 
   2Corinthians 2:11 tells us we can be knowledgeable about the enemy's habits. Psalm 119:98 tells us we can even be wiser than him. Yes, we can certainly understand how demons work. I call this warfare wisdom. The greater our warfare wisdom, the less likely we are to become prey for the roaring lions roaming to devour (1Pet 5:8). And when the day of demonic evil does come (Eph 6:12,13), we will fight a good fight (1Ti 1:18, 6:12, 2Ti 4:7) and win those battles much quicker.

Demons Influence People

   From Genesis to Revelation,Scripture shows us over and over that evil spirits do their work through people. Some of these people are totally demonized and have lost most or all of their freewill (Mk 5:1-20, 2Ti 2:26); some have demonic "footholds" whereby a demon(s) has regular, but not total, access to an area of their life (Eph 4:27 NIV); and some have occasional, temporary moments of demonic influence to varying degrees (1Sam 16:14-23, 1Ki 22:19-23, Mt 16:22,23). 
   Even good or godly people can come under the enemy's influence if there be unresolved dark spots in their character (2Co 11:3, 12:7, Eph 4:27). We've all been there. We've all sensed malicious forces seeking to exploit, infest, and dominate our dark spots to ruin our lives. That is why Paul said we wrestle with demons (Eph 6:12). Some are losing that wrestling match, while some are winning gloriously. The ultimate goal is to be like Jesus, who said of the devil, "he has nothing in me" (Jn 14:30 NKJV, Ps 17:3,4). Lord Jesus, when the season of evil comes, may the enemy find nothing in us to exploit.

Demons Learn From Insects?

   Nature is a bottomless treasure box of spiritual insight and success strategy. Scripture tells us to analyze and learn from her (Job 12:7,8, Pr 6:6-8, 30:15-31, Mt 13, Ro 1:20). Though nature has been frustrated by the sin curse (Ro 8:20), survival brilliance and resilience has been divinely-programmed into her to ensure her durability until the renewal of all things (2Pet 3:13). 
   Just as demons learn from the church (Eph 3:10), they also learn from nature. They know Scripture, and they know it says nature has success strategies. They know God programmed all creation to thrive in spite of the curse, and they know they can use nature's wisdom for evil purposes. 
   The past year or two the Lord has been showing me how the enemy has learned from insects, and how he uses these insights for his evil purposes. Why insects? They are extremely successful at surviving and thriving almost anywhere. Ever heard of a shortage of insects? Ever read about flies on the endangered species list? No matter where you are on Earth, these bugs (flies) are almost impossible to beat...demons notice this. If they can develop the habits of flies in people, they can accomplish in humanity what flies accomplish so well in nature--spread disease and death.

Flies

   The common fly we all loathe is found on all inhabited continents, in all climates from tropical to temperate, and in a variety of environments from rural to urban. It is most associated with animal feces, but has adapted itself well to include human garbage to its diet, making it abound almost anywhere people live. Very few creatures can boast such a global presence.
   Because of this, flies appear negatively in literature, mythology, and entertainment (Jehovah's fourth plague on Egypt, Emily Dickinson's poem "I Heard a Fly Buzz When I Died"), as annoyance (Greek mythology, the god Myiagros chased away flies during sacrifices to Zeus and Athena), and as obstruction (Greek mythology, Zeus sent a fly to bite the horse Pegasus causing Bellerophon to fall back to Earth when he attempted to ascend Mount Olympus). The 1958 sci-fi film The Fly (remade 1986) tells of a scientist who accidentally exchanges parts of his body with those of a fly. In a few cultures the bug is not quite so negative, as in the traditional Navajo religion, where "Big Fly" is an important spirit being...interesting and important, considering today's topic. 
   We've noticed flies as much as they have noticed us. Perhaps the Creator is trying to tell us something about demonic science and strategy.

Fly Manifestations to Fly Mechanisms

   Demons manifest their influence on people with the intention of creating a mechanism in them. A mechanism is an attitude, an approach, a personality trait. If demonic manifestations (mental suggestions and emotional impulses) are accepted enough times, a personality mechanism develops. This way the enemy has tremendous, longterm leverage over a person; he has a "foothold" (Eph 4:27). Certain demons manifest upon people with fly-like influences, with the intention of creating fly-like mechanisms in them, with the ultimate intention of accomplishing fly-like results--the spread of disease and death.  
 
Flies Beginnings  
   The common fly begins and develops under piles of feces, or sand/soil containing small amounts of degraded feces. This is their ideal gestation environment.  
   Application Demons begin their fly manifestations in people early in life, during childhood. Preyed upon children are typically those growing up in painful, unpleasant, and "poopy" family environments. Every fly personality I've ever met began, like real flies, under a pile of poop. In fact, way too many of us began there. Poopy family beginnings seem to be typical in our generation, attracting more demonic fly manifestations, ultimately creating more and more fly personalities. So how do flies and fly personalities act?   
 
Flies are flighty and evasive 
   Flies have a superb evasion mechanism to ensure their survival. This is why fly-swatters have many small holes; they minimize the wind that alerts the fly of an incoming threat. In 2008, flies were found to be capable of not only anticipating an incoming threat, but also calculating the angle of approach and modifying its stance to make the ideal getaway. This evasive act takes place within 200 milliseconds. That's why those buggers are so stinkin hard to kill! They are highly equipped to evade. 
   Application A demonic fly manifestation influences people to do the same: be highly evasive, flighty, noncommittal, here today-gone tomorrow, hard to pin down, busybody, avoidant, escapist. Relationships are next to impossible. Church stability and growth become a nauseating see-saw with too many fly members. Those with this mechanism jump (fly) from one relationship to another, one job to another, one church to another--endlessly. 
   Proverbs 25:19(NKJV): Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint.  1Timothy 5:13(NIV): Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies...  
 
Flies are very aware 
   As mentioned, flies are super efficient in their biological evasion mechanism. This is due in part to their magnificent eyes, which is actually a compound eye of many eyes, each individual one being light-detecting. It can see just about everywhere at once.
   Application Demonic fly manifestations cause people to have a social awareness and perception that is keenly fly-like. It seems they are constantly and precisely X-raying people around them, especially their subtleties and nonverbals. Why? The moment they sense an incoming threat to their survival, they do what they do best--evade. Those with fly-like survival mechanisms must have a heightened sense of insight and foresight at all times in all directions. This is discernment gone totally haywire into suspicion and paranoia. 2Peter 2:14: With eyes full of adultery, they never stop sinning; they seduce the unstable; they are experts in greed...           
 
Flies feed on death
   Flies feed on dead and decaying organic material, primarily animal feces or human garbage. 
   Application Fly manifestations cause people to feed on death--other people's "garbage", problems, sins, and failures. In relationships, they feed on the other person's shortcomings, instead of nurturing their strengths and potentials. In churches, they feed on the problems, instead of contributing wisdom and order for solutions. And let's be honest about this one...some ministries are nothing more than demonic flies. They survive and thrive by feeding on the garbage and poop of other ministries, disgraced leaders, or corporate church ills. They are not prophetic, they are flyish.   
 
Flies vomit before consuming
   The common fly consumes only liquid or semi-liquid foods. Therefore, they spit out saliva or vomit on solid foods to predigest it, then consume. They also regurgitate partly digested matter, better liquefy it, then down it again (almost like dogs when they eat, vomit, then eat it again and keep it down).
   Application Similarly, flyish personalities also vomit constantly, venting, complaining, and pouring out negative feelings as a part of their regular routine. They continually regurgitate partly digested negative experiences, persistently trying to make it "stay down" and find some resolution or peace to those events. By vomiting negative feelings all over others, they "break down" and liquefy people's solidness, making it easier to take and consume whatever they can from them. Be cautious with those who vent too much. 
   Proverbs 29:11(NKJV): A fool vents all his feelings...  Proverbs 10:19: In the multitude of words sin is not lacking...  Ecclesiastes 10:13,14(NIV): At the beginning his words are folly; at the end they are wicked madness-and the fool multiplies words...        
 
Flies are clingy 
   Flies cling to almost any surface. We've all seen them walk on vertical planes (walls, windows, etc.) and hang upside-down from ceilings. 
   Application Flies cling to almost any surface--enough said. Those with fly mechanisms can and will attach to any person, place, or thing that might feed their dysfunctions. I'm both amazed and puzzled at how fly personalities can successfully cling to environments very, very different from themselves. In a strange parallel, it's like they are walking on a wall or hanging from a ceiling. 1Timothy 5:13(NIV): Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house...   
 
Flies are extremely narcissistic
   When these bugs are not flying, they continuously preen themselves to promote digestion and remove excess excrement from their outer body. Remove excess excrement? How contradictory! Flies are that narcissistic.
   Application Fly mechanisms in people are the same. When they have down time, they preen their image to remove excess excrement from their appearance and reputation. They would have much difficulty flying to new and multiple environments for feeding if a negative image preceded him/her. In fact, part of their ability to stick to so many surfaces is a desirable image. Every fly personality I've encountered did not seem so flyish. 1Samuel 16:7: But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."       
 
Flies are highly reproductive 
   Flies reproduce in mind-blowing style. Scientists have found that two flies beginning reproduction in April may, under optimal conditions (and if all the offspring were to survive), produce 191,010,000,000,000,000,000 flies within five months.
   Application Those persons with strong fly mechanisms are equally reproductive and influential. Their attitudes and actions can spread extremely quickly, mainly because of their frequenting of multiple environments in short periods of time. 2Timothy 2:17: Their teaching will spread like gangrene...  
 
Flies are short-lived 
   Flies don't last long. The adult lives from two weeks to a month. 
   Application Persons with fly mechanisms do not last long either. Such personalities eventually self-destruct or encounter a situation that forces them to change. A person can fly and evade for only so long. We all know how much energy running takes, and a person simply cannot maintain that pace forever. Just as the Lord said to me years ago in my flyishness, so also He says to others: "Don't try to run, I can keep up with you." Psalm 139:7: Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

Use God's Fly-swatters

   If we are honest, all of us have behaved flyishly at times. We need to be sure we are swatting any and all flies that might be buzzing around in our personality. None of us is above a fly. Bildad said we must stay as humble as a worm or maggot (Job 25:6), and David agreed (Ps 22:6), as did God Himself (Isa 41:14)   
   Some, however, have assumed the entire fly mechanism and personality, and need a mixture of biblical counseling and Spirit-filled deliverance. If this is you beloved, do not feel condemned. There is no condemnation for us in Christ (Ro 8:1), only conviction (Jas 2:9), godly sorrow (2Co 7:9-11), and correction (2Ti 3:16) to provoke change. 
   Use God's fly-swatters. Cry out to Him in repentance and supplication today (Jas 4:8-10). Stop flying and evading; plant yourself in His house where you can get biblical counseling and deliverance from stronger Christians (Ps 92:13). Start practicing new, non-fly behaviors; over time godly habits will form (1Ti 4:7). Read books that increase your spiritual understanding; practice what you learn (Hos 4:6). Even the quickest and strongest fly will fall to the ground with Heaven's fly-swatters.

I trust our relationships are improving? The conclusion...

Hi again!

   From time to time I hear this in counseling: "Relationships shouldn't be this hard! It should be easier and just flow!"

Hello friends! 

   Intimacy can be incredibly elusive! Though we all desire and need it, oftentimes we ourselves are the very reason it escapes us. May the Lord illumine our eyes to see and move beyond our defense mechanisms into fulfilling, lifelong intimacy with our loved ones.

   Ever heard prayers not prayed? In countless churches and homes the Holy Spirit has oiled my ears to hear this unspoken prayer: "Deliver us from parenting!" Maybe I've heard some of you reading this.
   In any endeavor, knowledge is the tipping point that sways an experience from painful to pleasant, difficult to doable. I am overwhelmed, truly overcome, by how many people become parents with very little to no parenting know-how. Perhaps the pregnancy was unplanned. Perhaps parenting was foreseen as less complex, or more complex, than in actuality. Perhaps it was presumed upon God that He would do most or all of the parenting miraculously, with very little human initiative.   
   Whatever the reason, childrearing has become an ongoing nightmare for many. What was intended to be a divine blessing (Ps 127:3-5) has become an unspoken wish-I-hadn't. No matter how chaotic or melancholy your situation seems, the power of applied Spirit and truth by the heartfelt worshipper is more than enough. Your Titanic can turn around, but there are some parenting laws you will have to honor in fresh and practical ways.  
   This teaching is not comprehensive, but focuses on the five parenting absolutes and premises that I have found most important, yet least honored, among struggling parents. (For another helpful teaching entitled "Parenting 911" go to http://www.juniordesouza.com/teachingsi.htm .)

                Part 2: Business Strategy & Market Conquest

                 Part 1: Business Formations & Market Entry

   More than ever in church history, today the Holy Spirit is alighting on many Christians for business and entrepreneurship. Many of these many have little to no corporate background or experience! They literally have only two things, calling and inspiration. Though these are essential, they are incomplete. They are energy without instruction, power without form. This writing is a starter and overview. It is also an ongoing reference, as there will be lots of parts here to be assembled piece by piece. This two-part writing will be as follows:
 
                        Part 1: Business Formations & Market Entry

   The past twenty years have revealed the existence of "blood diamonds", or diamonds mined in war zones, in typically inhumane conditions, and sold to fund violent insurgency, war efforts, or warlord activities. The practice came into sharp public focus through the 2006 release of the Academy Award nominated movie Blood Diamond, starring Leonardo DiCaprio. Several African nations including Angola, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Ivory Coast, The Democratic Republic of Congo, The Republic of Congo, and Zimbabwe have either been sanctioned, implicated, or monitored by the United Nations, the World Diamond Congress, and the World Diamond Council for diamonding under such conditions.
   Dear friends, I urge you to read carefully. The Holy Spirit is brooding to speak about diamonds, both spiritual and physical.

The Diamonds of the Lord

   You and I, Christians, are potential diamonds of the Lord. Like the blood diamonds, every single day warfare is waged over us. The enemy seeks to control our movement and destination, and profit his insurgency against God thereby. The Lord God, on the other hand, also seeks to control our movement and destination, and profit his glorious, lifegiving agenda thereby. A vicious conflict ensues over the potential diamonds of the Lord. Let's look at this closely.
   Unbreakability The Greek word for diamond is adamas, meaning "untamed or unbreakable". It is the hardest known naturally occurring mineral. The enemy knows that if a Christian becomes fully matured by the Spirit, he will be untamable and unbreakable like a diamond--an indestructible spiritual force (Ps 125:1).
   Superlative properties Diamonds are renowned for their superlative physical properties, making them useful for jewelry and industrial applications. A Christian fully matured by the Spirit will become known for his/her superlative spiritual qualities, making him useful for adorning God's kingdom and purpose (Tit 2:10).
   Engraving Diamonds have such hardness they were ideal for writing and engraving in ancient times. The diamonds of the Lord are used by Him to permanently etch His will on people's hearts and minds (2Co 3:2,3). They have a lasting influence. Their words resound and resurface. They produce fruit that remains. They are diamonds that engrave by the hand of God.
   Dispersion of light Diamonds are capable of multidirectional dispersion of light, giving them a radiance from any angle looked upon. Christians fully matured by the Spirit also disperse light, spiritual light, in multiple directions...at home, at work, at school, on the playing field, at church, in appearance, in recreation, in social life, in finances, in the pulpit...every angle of their life radiates and refracts divine glory (Isa 60:1)!
   Polish retention Diamonds can only be scratched by other diamonds and three or four other things. Consequently, they hold their polish extremely well. Likewise, the diamonds of the Lord maintain their spiritual polish, or character, extremely well. Very few things can "scratch" their Christlike attitudes and reactions (Ps 125:1).
   Formation Diamonds are formed deep within the earth from very high temperatures and very high pressures, and they surface in volcanic pipes where they are mined and extracted. The diamonds of the Lord, those Christians utterly matured by the Spirit, are formed through pain in the deepest and darkest places of life. High "temperatures" and "pressures" from the depths of suffering have forced an ideal chemical reaction between Spirit and truth in the soul of the Christian, producing a crystalline character that eventually surfaces in their personality and life.

The Diamonds of Scripture

   Passages of Scripture are also diamonds, dispersing light in numerous directions. Take a psalm for example, Psalm 22. It is about David's personal sufferings (light sparkling in his direction); it is also prophetic about the Messiah's sufferings (light sparkling in that direction); it also speaks to us in our personal struggles when we read it with the Spirit (light sparkling in our direction). More so, every time we read it a brand new insight, or light, might sparkle to us. How many times have we gotten "something new" out of the same scripture? This is only possible because the Bible is a treasure chest of diamonds, each one capable of sparkling light in any direction at any given time.
   Diamonds & positioning Because a diamond sparkles light in many different directions, the particular sparkle that catches our eye depends on where we are positioned. If I'm positioned on this side of the diamond, this particular light will sparkle at me. If I reposition myself to another side of the diamond, another light will sparkle at me. As we keep in step with the Spirit repositioning us inwardly and outwardly, new light from the same diamond will sparkle at us. In other words, we will see the same truth in "a different light". Scripture has a profound multiplicity of dimensions, angles, and sides to address every dimension, angle, and side of life! Keep walking around the diamonds of truth God gives you.

Prophetic word: Diamonds in the Atlantic Ocean

   The conflict over diamonds will extend beyond certain nations in Africa. Diamonds will be discovered in the Atlantic Ocean, drawing new nations into a new type of diamond struggle. Aggravating the issue, rogues and marauders will seek their share, and the Atlantic waters will become turbulent for a season. People will say, "How did we not know about this great treasure?" They will say, "How did these diamonds find their way into the heart of the sea?"
   The Lord says it will be a sign, a sign that His diamonds are being discovered and revealed. Many faithful and luminous Christians have been hidden and seemingly forgotten at the bottom of a sea. Many have been tucked away in strange places, places far and foreign to their personality and calling. They are like the diamonds resting among the corals of the Atlantic. But they are the diamonds of the Lord. They are the diamonds explained above. The discovery of the physical diamonds will be an assurance that God's timing has come for a vast quantity of human diamonds to be revealed and mobilized to shine in all their brilliance. Many battle-weary Christians will see their bitter war sway entirely in their favor when these things happen.

What is legalism?

   Legalism is a fixation on strict adherence to a law, rule, or code, to the neglect of that law's higher purpose. Among born-again Christians, legalism has two forms: (1) an unusually strict adherence to a particular biblical command or set of commands, (2) an unusually strict adherence to man-made rules or traditions within Christendom.
   Examples of the first would include the early church's struggle against circumcision (Gal 2:3-5, 5:6-12), observing Jewish holy days and events (Gal 4:9-11, Col 2:16,17), and dietary prohibitions (1Co 8:7,8)--all Old Covenant commands. Or, the contemporary church's struggle with the Jewish tithe or the unnecessary banning of women from public ministry.
   Examples of the second would include the early church's struggle against asceticism (extreme self-deprivation, Col 2:6-23) and gnosticism (all matter is evil, Jesus Christ was not truly human, etc..., 1Jn 4:2,3, 2Jn 7). Or, the contemporary church's struggle against dogmatic styles of worship music, the blacklisting of technological conveniences as "worldly", or deifying a certain English translation of the Bible as the only true one. Legalistic fixations can affect any Christian, any church, any movement, any area of life, to any degree, in any generation. 

   Legalism is humanism. It is initiated and sustained by human willpower and raw determination (Gal 3:3). The result is a man-centered and self-glorifying spirituality (Mt 23:5-7). We are to be Spirit-led, thereby resulting in the Father's glory, not ours (Jn 15:5-8).
   Legalism is behaviorism. It values behavior over motive (Mt 23:25-27). The result is a showy, yet mechanical and superficial, spirituality (v28). God judges motive first, behavior second (Jer 17:10, Rev 2:23, Pr 21:2).
   Legalism is Christian hyperactivity. It is the Captivity of Activity, the Tyranny of To-do (Lk 10:38-42). The result is a workaholic and near-burnout spirituality. God values intimacy with Him before activity for Him (v42).
   Legalism is prohibitionism. It seeks to legislate personal, non-sinful liberties. The result is a deprivationist, strict, thou-shalt-not spirituality (Col 2:20-23). New Covenant life is permissive and subjective in the gray areas (Ro 14).
   Legalism is obligationism. It is motivated by "have to" (duty) instead of "want to" (passion). The result is a high-pressure and guilt-filled spirituality. Christian life is to be ruled by passion (Ro 12:11), peace (Col 2:15), and joy (1Th 5:16).
   Legalism is authoritarianism. Its proponents play the authority card much to impose their spiritual fixations on others (Mt 23:1-3). The result is a burdening, slavish, and obey-without-question spirituality (v4). Jesus said His burden was easy and light (Mt 11:28-30). Plus, our New Covenant priesthood grants us the privilege of testing and "making sure" leaders are liberators, not controllers (1Pet 2:5, Ac 17:11, Rev 2:2).
   Legalism is perfectionism. It is hypersensitive to mistakes and missteps. The result is a nitpicking and harsh spirituality toward self and others (Mt 15:1-3, Jn 8:1-11). Scripture calls us to grow in godliness (1Pet 2:1,2), but not grueling moralism.
   Legalism is uniformity. It promotes conformity, sameness, and ritual. The result is a predictable spirituality (Lk 9:49,50). God wills variation, individuality, innovation, and spontaneity (1Co 12:4-6).
   Legalism is separatist. It maintains selective and elitist personnel (Gal 2:11-13). The result is a loss of perspective, a nearsighted spirituality (Lk 9:49-56). At the end of the day, denominationalism is a convenient form of legalism.
   Legalism is non-maturity. It reveals a lack of spiritual depth and breadth (Ro 14:1-4,1Co 8:7-13). The result is a dwarfed spirituality and delayed progression to more liberating spiritual altitudes. We are called to a maturity in which we can enjoy all the privileges allowed by a strong conscience (1Co 8:7-12).

   What's the difference, then, between legalism and obedience? Superficially both can look very similar. A Spirit-filled Christian truly enamored with the Lord will exhibit meticulous obedience and high involvement in Christian activities--making them appear almost identical to a legalist. So what's the difference? Motive and means. Why am I obeying Scripture (motive) and how am I going about it (means)?
   Motive  Why am I obeying Scripture? What is my truest motive? Is it to not get in trouble with God? To enhance my public image? To improve my self-esteem? To relieve the guilt of past or present mistakes? To avoid negative consequences? There is a grain of legitimacy in each of these reasons, however, they can never be our highest reason. If so, we are in legalism to whatever degree. Remember, the greatest command is to love God with all we are (Mk 12:30); He is to be our First Love (Rev 2:4). Authentic obedience, then, happens because we truly love and cherish Him above all, and therefore, we love and cherish His standards (Ps 119:97,113,163,165). We obey Him because we first love Him (Jn 14:21,23,24), then His commands are not burdensome (1Jn 5:3). Intimacy is the motivating center of obedience.
   Means  How am I going about obedience? Am I depending on my own ability, effort, and personality ("works")? Or am I depending completely and daily on the Spirit ("faith")? If my trust is in Me to any degree, I am in legalism to that same degree. If I am depending on the Spirit's grace, I am moving in authentic obedience. Galatians 3:3 nails this one on the head.

Six questions silently interrogate the female heart. They push and pull her. They explain her. Few women verbalize these signature desires into plain language, but the substance of them cries out continuously, in some way or another, at some time or another, deep in her being. 
   Of course, there are exceptions. A woman might possess major traits divergent from the general female pool, usually because of God's non-typical purpose for her. Keep in mind then, the following biblical insights, scientific conclusions, and collective observations address the typical woman and majority of women. 

The Mystery   

      No, you're not hallucinating, and no, it's not impossible. Women must be understood, first by themselves and then by others, and especially by the men in relationship to them. This can be quite an undertaking, though, sort of like deciphering the book of Revelation. Many of you know what I mean. But why the mystery?
      Women are the upgrade. They are biologically, emotionally, and socially more sophisticated than men. Adam was formed from the simplicity of dust, while Eve was formed from the complexity of living tissue (Adam's side). Discern the symbolism. God desired to make a similar to Adam, yet an elaborate upgrade of him.
      As if femininity wasn't mystifying enough, many women enjoy and leverage their obscurity. They relish the thrilling power of being "just out of reach". Part of this is normal social or romantic play, whereby individuals engage in sportive exploration and chasing of one another. This is harmless, as long as it eventually pays up. Much of our relationship with the Lord is this way: mystery and discovery, seeking and finding.   
      At times though, there can be a darker side to this play; when the mystery never pays up, when the woman remains elusive and evasive to manipulate others. By staying barely out of reach, she can secure the upper-hand in a relationship or environment. It keeps others "on their toes" while she herself remains sure-footed. Most often this is done by withholding (or misrepresenting) sensitive information about herself: intentions, needs, desires, disappointments, expectations, plans, and goals. She might also do this by pre-calculating her schedule and interactions, carefully monitoring who, what, when, where, and why.        
      On a societal level, this same "just out of reach" dynamic happens through the sexual objectification of women. Awesome power can be attained by being naked yet concealed, seductive yet impersonal, accessible yet unattainable, visible yet distant. Female mystery, then, can be adventurous, playful, and harmless as individuals journey to progressively discover one another. Or it can be malicious, if females indefinitely remain a riddle in order to manipulate.      
      Finally, many women are simply mysteries to themselves, and therefore, are unable to adequately impart themselves to others. Many are willing and hungry to do so. They are ready for truths that can solidify their sense of female identity and improve their self-delivery to others, and most importantly, to the Lord. Understanding women...six silent questions.

 

 

(1) The Mother-Question: "Where is my mother?"  

      A girl learns womanhood, or a lack of, through her mother. Until she matures into a solid sense of biblical womanhood in her own right, the question will arrest and interrogate her soul indefinitely, "Where is my mother?"
      Song of Songs 8:2 shows us this, Solomon's wife is speaking: I would lead you and bring you to my mother's house--she who has taught me (underline added). She makes a similar statement in 3:4, whereby she desires to take Solomon to her mother for further approval and guidance. All women, like Solomon's bride, look to and listen for mom to learn successful and appropriate female living. She is the blueprint for womanhood, for better or for worse.    
      If mom is absent or incapable, the new mother often becomes any older female with an equally imposing presence--a sister, aunt, grandmother, teammate, Brittany Spears, or Desperate Housewives. Every girl or developing woman is learning womanhood from some female blueprint somewhere.
      The Bible opens with an insightful story about a girl seeking to answer the mother-question. Genesis 34 tells us about Dinah, the daughter of Leah. If you remember from chapters 29 and 30, Leah was one of Jacob's two wives, the one he did not want. Rachel was his heart's desire. Leah was second best and second choice, and in a competition of two, that made her last place. Can you imagine how that made her feel? Rejected...unwanted...ugly...alone. Leah surely picked up some wounds here. 
      Along comes Dinah, Leah's only daughter and seventh child (30:21). Because of her woundedness and subsequent introversion, Dinah did not have the attentive and engaging mother she needed. While Leah was still licking her wounds, she was injuring and pushing Dinah away in the process. So what does Dinah do? She realizes mom cannot give her the female umbrella she needs, and takes her mother-question to be answered elsewhere.
      This brings us to the tragedy of Genesis 34:1: Now Dinah, the daughter Leah had borne to Jacob, went out to visit the women of the land. See what's happening? Dinah went to the pagan peoples nearby to find what Mom Leah was not providing. She even bypassed Jacob's two concubines, Zilpah and Bilhah (30:3-5, 9,10), as possible mother-figures. In the end, Dinah gets raped and brings a city-wide massacre on the Shechemites.
      This story contains profound insight about women. Dinah needed a mother who could develop her into a woman, a "mother-shepherd". She needed female modeling, female guidance, and female attachment. She needed a mother to answer her mother-question, and this question would keep interrogating her until she found someone to answer it. You see, Dinah is every woman and every woman is Dinah. Today's entertainment industry thrives on wandering Dinahs still looking for a mom to show them how to be a woman.
      God, foreseeing the Dinah disillusionment, gave us the Titus 2:3-5 concept. This passage commands the older Christian women of the church to befriend, shepherd, teach, guide, and support the younger Christian women. In other words, God expects older Christian women to answer the mother-question for the younger ones who are in a Dinah disillusionment. ("Older" does not necessarily refer to physical age, but to spiritual age, maturity, and wholeness. Some older women, physically, still have not answered the mother-question, while some younger ones have.)
      Ruth's story is the counterpart to Dinah's story. Ruth (a Moabite), when faced with the option of returning to her pagan earthly mother or attaching to a new, Jehovah-worshiping mother, she chose the latter (Ru 1). Naomi was an awesome woman, filled with godliness and feminine glory. Apparently, Ruth's mother was either sub-par or deceased, and therefore, she did not desire to return home. Even more so, she rejected all the other potential mother-figures of Moab (aunts, grandmothers, family friends, community leaders, etc...). She turned to Naomi and Naomi's God to answer her heart's question (1:15-18). And wow, was she not rewarded incredibly?
      Dinah sought a pagan woman to answer her mother-question; Ruth sought a godly woman. Dinah put herself in a vulnerable situation whereby a carnal man was able to exploit her; Ruth put herself in a secure situation whereby a wonderful man blessed, protected, and married her. Dinah's response to her question brought death to an entire people; Ruth's response brought life to Israel and the entire world, being the ancestor of both David and Jesus.
      APPLICATION: Dinah, Ruth, and every developing woman has the same question interrogating their heart, a mother-question that asks, "Where is my mother?" Few women grew up with level-10 mothers. Most are like Dinah and Ruth--needing more and still asking.
      History is filled with tragedies of women who reacted like Dinah; they looked to the wrong women in the wrong places. History is also filled with wonderful victories of women who reacted like Ruth; they looked to the right women in the right places. You can have Dinah's disillusionment, but Ruth's response. Be a Ruth. Find Naomi-Ruth relationships in your church, another church, extended family, or social circle to help answer your mother-question. Commit to maturing completely and becoming a Naomi for other disillusioned Dinahs.
      Eventually, Naomi pushed Ruth out of her nest (Ru 3). The best mothers, physical and spiritual, understand their learners will eventually become mature women and able mothers themselves. The best Naomis have the wisdom and emotional security to eventually discharge their Ruths. They understand their temporary purpose was to answer and silence the mother-question forever.

(2) The Husband-Question: "Where is the prince?" 

      Jezebel fascinates me. Her story is closer to the woman next door, or the next pew, than we realize. Scripture gives us no explicit information about her early years, though it does give us key bits of information that unravel her almost completely.
      Jezebel's name literally means, Where is the prince?. It is made up of two words, jeze, which means "without" or "where is", and baal, which means "prince, husband, or lord". Why would her parents name her without prince, or, Where is the prince?.
      We know from 1Kings 16:31 that Jezebel was Sidonian, and her father Eth-baal, king of Sidon. This means Jezebel was a princess, destined in the royal system for a prince. The probable reason for her unique naming is that Sidon lacked prince-quality men for her to eventually marry. Her parents, seeing and foreseeing this, named her accordingly. Where is the prince?, then, not only became Jezebel's name, but the wounded cry of her heart as she grew up to understand this reality. Finding a good man is an age-old frustration. 
      This scenario seems convincing when we consider the fact that she crossed political, cultural, and religious boundaries to marry Ahab, an Israelite (1Ki 16:31). Could it be that she married the weak and very un-princely Ahab out of frustration and disillusionment, out of a failed search for a real prince in Sidon? I think so. If Israel, God's own people, saw periods of time where there seemed to be no good men (Jud 21:25, Ps 12:1, Ecc 7:28, 1Ki 18:20,21, 19:18), imagine a pagan and morally degraded society like Sidon?       
      The ironic and amazingly symbolic thing about this story is that every woman has the same question beating in her heart, Where is the prince?. Jezebel did not begin life with merely a name, she began life with a question, a husband-question. That question arrested, interrogated, and influenced her in every way imaginable, as it does for all women. Little girls feel this question when they fall madly in love with their school teacher, daydream about Prince Charming, plan their wedding day during math class, or pick a flower and play "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not". Every female from Jezebel to Jane, in Sidon or in San Francisco, begins life with this question. Jezebel could not run from it, not so much because it was her name, but because it was her nature. It is a God-given question. It is a God-given nature, and the Fall has much to do with it.                         
        
      After the Fall, God pronounced the post-Fall woman would long for and need her husband in a new way, a way more intensely than before the Fall (Gen 3:16). He gave her a very strong emotional lean toward her husband or husband-to-come. To use our lingo, post-Fall women would now enter life with a powerful heart question that asks, "Where is the prince?"
      Song of Songs refers to this emotional lean in colorful imagery. In Song 2:3, the wife compares her husband to a tree, upon which she leans and rests under. In verse 5, she declares only his husbandly love can "strengthen" and "refresh" her romantic weakness and vulnerability. In fact, more than once she admits she is romantically "faint" or "weak" (2:5, 5:8). In 8:5, even her friends recognize the emotional lean: Who is this coming up from the desert leaning on her lover? (underline added).
      Song of Songs lights up several bulbs concerning what God meant in Genesis 3:16. The post-Fall woman would have a very strong emotional-romantic lean toward her husband or husband-to-come (2:3, 8:5). This lean would produce a measure of vulnerability, faintness, and weakness (2:5, 5:8). It is this vulnerability the apostle Peter addresses in the New Testament.       
      In 1Peter 3:7, he commands husbands to be understanding and sensitive towards their wives, because they, in his words, are the "weaker vessel". Admittedly, those words can be controversial--if misunderstood and misapplied. But remember church, if the Bible is the very Word of God, then the Holy Spirit simply borrowed Peter's mind and pen. We simply need to discern the timeless word in Peter's writing.
      1Peter 3:7 is simply reiterating what we've already discussed. Song of Songs portrays her romantic vulnerability with poetic imagery, while Peter is straightforward and to the point (as always). Song of Songs uses beautiful and playful language that could easily be overlooked, while Peter just comes out and says it like it is. Song of Songs celebrates her emotional lean and how Solomon nourished and satisfied it, while Peter commands husbands to be aware and conscientious of it at all times. Same message, different styles.
      This verse, or any other verse in Scripture, does not say or suggest that women are less valuable or competent than men. A woman's emotional-romantic lean for a prince is simply a relational dynamic, one that often places women in a vulnerable state. God's Word acknowledges this, reveals its source, and demands conscientiousness by men to protect their co-heirs of the grace of life.            
      Paul adds his inspired, and interesting, angle. 1Timothy 5:11-15 presents certain young widows in the Ephesian church as unruly and sinning. We would think Paul's immediate solution in dealing with them would be repentance, rebuke, and maybe even a little church discipline. Interestingly, and by divine inspiration, he goes in a different direction (v14)...he counsels them to get married! Really Paul?
      This used to bother me. Get married? That's the answer? I mean, they're doing some pretty jacked up stuff: sensuality, forsaking their First Love, idleness, gossip, busybodying, inappropriate speech. These are women gone wild! Can you imagine poor Timothy--young, handsome, and spiritually strong--being around these females? Maybe that's why Paul urged him to "flee youthful lusts" (2Ti 2:22) and treat the women in the church as mothers and sisters "with absolute purity" (1Ti 5:2). 
      But now I understand Paul's counsel wholeheartedly. Sure these young widows needed repentance and returning to the Lord. Paul is not compromising that by his silence. But he is recognizing, very insightfully, that their sinful behavior is coming from an honest longing for a husband-prince. This is a classic case of bad behavior coming from a legitimate need. Paul--the Holy Spirit--knew these young widows were simply asking, "Where is the prince?"               
      APPLICATION: Ever since Genesis, many women have resisted this dynamic and many men have, sadly, abused it. However, God's pronouncement has not been altered or reversed, it does not eradicate the husband-question, and it does not stop the majority of little girls from dreaming of their Prince Charming. Like the mother-question, the husband-question can be answered by the wrong men in the wrong places at the wrong time. Jezebel did not have to become the Jezebel we know, and ladies, neither do you.
      First, Jesus Himself must answer your question. Seek Him daily to be your Prince of love, your true Husband. Surrender to Him, and learn to lean on His tree, rest in His shade, and be refreshed by His apples of love.
      Unless you have the gift of celibacy though, Jesus will not fully answer your question. Naomi understood that Ruth would find complete emotional "rest" only with a husband (Ru 1:9). She refers to this "rest" again in 3:1 (the Hebrew is the same as 1:9, though some translations use "security" or "home" instead of "rest"), again referring to an inner rest that comes only from a husband.
      There is an earthly husband-prince God is pleased to give. However, it will require personal growth, preparation, and knowledge. Just as Esther prepared twelve months for Xerxes, and Ruth prepared several years for Boaz, and Abigail prepared some time for David, so also there is a preparative development you must be willing to commit to for your romantic inheritance to become reality.
      In ministry, I constantly encounter single Christian women desperately longing for God's very best husband. However, many of them are unwilling and unmotivated to endure the rigorous self-transformation necessary to become God's very best for someone else. Remember ladies, Boaz is looking for a Ruth just as much as you are looking for a Boaz. Remember Proverbs 20:4! Remember Proverbs 24:27! Remember the prodigal son...inheritance without maturity is disaster. Ask the Lord, and talk to a trusted spiritual leader for guidance pertaining to this.

 

(3) The Children-Question: "Where are my children?"

      Not only do women have a mother-question and husband-question, they also have a children-question, one that asks, "Where are my children?" Just as they scan the environment for a female model, and lean hard toward a husband-prince, they also manifest natural mothering behaviors. Even women that do not have (or even desire) children manifest motherliness.
      The typical woman wants and needs to mother. For many women in contemporary society though, and even among Christians, this instinct lies paralyzed beneath other preoccupations, goals, philosophies, and feelings. Extreme feminism, gender amalgamation, and irresponsible Bible teaching have caused many Christian women to question, even frown upon, their God-given mothering talents. The result? Multitudes of Christian women mothering and micromanaging anything and everything except what really matters. The mothering energy is very forceful. It will express itself in one way or another. 
      You see, women instinctively look for something to mother. Some start babysitting, like Naomi in her old age (Ru 4:16). Some buy pets. Some become domineering at work. Some personify and mother inanimate objects. Some insist on parenting their adult child. Some become Mother Hens to anyone close by, like Jezebel and her 850 children (1Ki 18:19) and her husband (21:5-16). (Granted, Jezebel was highly demonized, but this does not negate her basic feminine instincts, only maligned their expression.) Many guys I have known and know report their girlfriends/wives seek to mother them, more often than occasionally. When motherliness is taken to the extreme, or mingled with wounded emotions, women can become controlling and obsessive. This need not be friends. Many simply do not understand this part of themselves, and therefore, let it run wild. The female mothering nature does not need to be something negative, because, as such, it becomes the butt of male jokes, and eventually, the resentment of their hearts.
      Scripture refers to female motherliness in a few key passages, one of them being 1Timothy 2:15: But women will be saved through childbearing--if they continue in faith, love, and holiness with propriety.
      First, the attitude of this passage reveals how important mothering is to a woman's well-being, and even spiritual development. No, it is not saying every single woman must have children (some have the celibacy gift or some other non-childbearing calling). It is simply underscoring the importance of mothering to women in general. Secondly, it is surely not saying that women will be saved from eternal lostness through childbearing, or even through women collectively birthing the Savior. We are saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Jesus's finished work alone, and nothing of human efforts (Eph 2:8,9).
      However, Paul did say women would be saved from something through mothering. He explains himself in the attached phrase, "if they continue in faith, love, and holiness with propriety". Meaning: mothering/childbearing is so fundamental to the typical woman that it can even help distract, deliver, and save her from sin's power in her life! Obviously childbearing alone cannot sanctify a woman, which is why Paul supplements his statement with the command to continue in faith, love, and holiness. How many women have changed their lives in Christ simply because they became pregnant? The innate desire to protect and raise their young superceded their desire to live dangerously and foolishly. Tell us moms, mothering is a highly motivating, enlightening, and cleansing experience.
      Paul makes a similar statement a few chapters later. Remember the women gone wild of 1Timothy 5:11-15? Not only were they behaving badly because of the unfulfilled husband-question, but also because of the unfulfilled children-question. Again Paul shows astonishing insight, not only counseling them to marry (silencing the husband-question), but also to have children (silencing the children-question): So I counsel younger widows to marry, to have children...to give the enemy no opportunity (v14). Paul--the Holy Spirit--addressed a root of their unruliness: "Where are my children?"      
     APPLICATION: The problem is that far too many Christian women are abandoning their God-given mothering instinct, talent, and calling. Many are still floating in the ecstasy of extreme feminism that has diseased segments of the church. Consequently, our girls are growing up without engaged and energetic mothers, our husbands are rooming with disconnected and distracted wives, and the next generation of our nation is being populated by godless children from godless parents.
      Paul words in 1Timothy 2:15 and 5:14 are not outdated, since he is writing the eternal Word of God by the Spirit of God for the timeless people of God. The women of the Bible considered it a magnificent honor and privilege to have children. Some even agonized in prayer before the Lord for miraculous conception in a barren womb. My female sisters in Christ: mothering/childbearing needs to be a serious and prayerful consideration if it is not already, if you are of age, are biologically able, do not have the celibacy gift, or do not have some other non-childbearing calling.
      Let's expand this. Scripture does not forbid women from working, from having non-domestic goals and involvements, or from becoming a vital part of society's movement. Miriam, Deborah, Esther, Priscilla, Euodia, Syntyche, the Proverbs 31-woman (v24), and the women who followed Jesus (Lk 8:1-3) were all godly women who had important commitments outside the home. However, those with children are to be meticulous about succeeding at home first, prioritizing the care and development of their young ones. Somehow the Proverbs 31-woman was masterful at it (Pr 31:15,27-29). 
      Therefore, some women need to rediscover and pursue mothering full-time. Others might need to simply reprioritize it, better administrate their time and energy and not let non-domestic involvements deteriorate their maternal responsibility. Still others will be stirred by the Lord to spiritually mother the spiritually young, like Naomi birthed and raised Ruth spiritually. Titus 2:3-5 still cries out in every church in every city in every nation, as millions of young women (physically and spiritually) are still arrested and interrogated by the mother-question. By default, every mature Christian woman is to be a spiritual mother. But there are some who are called with a special grace to pioneer this frontier in the kingdom. Sadly, for most of my 12-year ministry I have lacked and needed good spiritual mothers to help me shepherd the girls and the women.

    It is possible that no other society in all of civilization has shaped human attitude as Babylon has. God's Word begins and ends with this intriguing empire, and all throughout we read of her strange monopoly on human affairs, directly and indirectly. Today's writing will reveal key sociological insights, insights that must guide us in ministering truth to individuals and societies driven by Babylonian undercurrents and initiatives.

   You've prayed for them...taught them...counseled them...laid hands on them...danced in a circle for them...and they're still not free. Why? They've prayed...read...did what you told them...wept...hung on for dear life...danced in the same circle...and they're still not free. Why?
    Luke 4:18: ...freedom for the prisoners...to release the oppressed. It is impossible for Jesus to lie (Heb 6:18). He is not a man who lies, changes His mind, speaks without acting, or promises without fulfilling (Num 23:19). Therefore, the burden is on us-you and me-to decipher the disconnect between Scripture and experience. So let's decipher.

Leaders...become great for God's glory.